My first year of teaching high school was completely overwhelming in every way possible. I was coming from a standpoint in where I loved to teach. My student teaching experience was one of the most memorable and rewarding times in my life. I was the first hired student (I hadn’t even graduated yet when I received a job) in my major. I came to the new school and a new place with high hopes and expectations of what it would be like. I had three different preps in my first year (on a block schedule- so one block was planning). I felt like I could never perfect a lesson because I wasn’t teaching the same lesson again. In addition to teaching, I was going through ADEPT, and coaching cheerleading. I wasn’t giving anything everything I could and it all seemed to be crushing me. I lost my motivation and self-esteem as a teacher. When it came time to sign contracts, the anxiety of signing my name again for another year of this was unbearable. I asked my mom for advice, and being my mom she told me to sign it. My dad however, who was very strict, intelligent, business-oriented, and professional in all aspects of his life, told me not to. I was not expecting this from him of all people. But, this did give me the courage I needed to not sign.
The end of June, I packed up my beach apartment feeling like a failure. My relationship with the one of the great loves of my life had ended. My teaching career at the beach was short-lived, and I was moving back in with my parents, AND I was broke. Teachers make next to nothing (and for those who say you get summers off and should do it because you love it, should shut their face). Cooper (golden) and I were living off spaghetti and onions at one point. You go to a top 25 university, you expect to be able to live, pay your bills, and eat.
It was when my parents came to pick me up that I really noticed that something had been going on with my father. A few months prior, my grandfather, Johnny, had passed away from liver cancer. This man was a kindred soul of mine. My dad was a skilled orator, with a wonderful way with words. The words seemed to stop coming to him though. Doctors thought it was just the stress of his father passing away and the stress of his job. These “episodes” as they called it, would soon pass.
When we were packing up my apartment, a man asked me if I was moving in, to which my dad replied yes. I quickly corrected him and made note. All weekend my dad was mixing things up. He seemed to be saying the opposite of everything that was right. When we arrived back in my hometown, I invited my friends over to help me unload (and then provided a pool, pizza, and beer). At one point, my dad looked at me and asked me to “turn Zac Brown on.” This doesn’t seem like an unusual request but he meant to say “turn the radio on.” It just so happened that Zac Brown was playing when I turned it on. Little things like this kept happening during the next few days. And then, I was out bridesmaids dress shopping and my mom called me and asked me to come home right away. My father had gone to the gas station and called my mom and asked her what to do. She had to explain to him how to use a debit card and how to pump gas. When my dad and I both got home, we three got into the car and drove to the hospital. My mother gave me all the facts and exactly what to say when we arrived at the emergency room. I explained to them that over the weekend, my parents helped me move out of my apartment at the beach and we think my dad might have had a heat stroke. They asked my father his birthday and he couldn’t tell them. How heartbreaking to see your 50 year old father, a model of strength your whole life, not be able to say his own birthday. My father was given an MRI and we were told that he had one very large tumor and one small tumor in his brain.
The car ride home was silent. My mother wanted me to call my sisters and tell them. How do you call your sisters and tell them such a thing? This was the moment I realized how much my mom was going to rely on me during this time period. I’ve also never been more thankful for the anxiety I felt over the contract and the fact my dad told me it was okay not to re-sign. After this day, I aged ten years.
After our initial visit with the hospital doctors, my mom decided to take my dad to Duke.
This was my mom’s first CaringBridge journal entry about this experience.
July 4, 2011
As some of you know, a few days ago our family was shocked with the news that Sammy has a brain tumor. We were very fortunate to be able to get a second opinion scheduled for this Tuesday with Dr. Allen Friedman at Duke. He is the very best and even did Sen. Ted Kennedy's surgery. We will be heading up there tomorrow morning for the consult and hopefully surgery at Duke very soon. We have booked a room at the Washington Duke Inn for 10 days. We are not asking "why" this is happening, as God is in control, but we do ask for your prayers for healing, strength, wisdom, and guidance for our family as well as the doctors that will be perform the surgery. Jesus said..."Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23
*He was diagnosed with a grade 4 glioblastoma
And this was the last:
Last Duke Visit
4/18/2013
Monday was a tough day at Duke. We learned that Sammy's tumor has increased the edema (swelling) in his brain and that the last chemotherapy had not been successful in stopping the tumor's growth. Also, that there are no more drugs to use to control the tumor.
Terrible news. Even though we may have thought this was coming, I don't think you can ever really be prepared for this. I wanted to go with them and provide support to Teri and Sammy. I hope I did this. But I was also so moved by Sammy and Teri, their strength, and their love for each other.
Sammy is such an amazing person. He listened intently to the doctor as she explained that the drugs had stopped working. He was so brave and told the doctor that he understood. He watched Teri to see that she was okay.
Teri doted on Sammy all day and cared for his needs and wants. They have figured out how to communicate despite Sammy's very limited speaking abilities. She looks at him and knows that he needs something.
I am sure that the days ahead will be tough, especially because of all of big events imminent; Natalie's upcoming graduation and Morgan's due date in mid-May. Bittersweet. Kevin and I have said so may times, how we wish things were different.
Please pray for Sammy, Teri, Heather, Morgan, Natalie, Lana and the rest of us as we deal with this.
-Barbara (sister in law)
Through all this I watched my dad re-learn how to say his ABC’s and much more (I have never been prouder of someone, as I listened from our upstairs balcony while he sat with his speech therapist).
I saw a strength in my mom that I didn’t know was possible. My parents started dating in the 7th grade. She kept our family together when everything was falling apart.
I ran a 5k with my dad and sisters while he had brain cancer, because he was determined never to give up.
I was given away in marriage by him and my sisters and I all had a father daughter dance at my wedding. We promised each other sitting on a bench at Duke that if my dad made it out of surgery, whoever got married first, we would all have our dance there. We knew that he wouldn’t be around for all of them.
I got to tell my dad he was going to be “Pop”. Sadly, he passed away three weeks before my daughter was born.
I really wanted to write my experience going through this, because in April it will be five years. As I sit here typing and tears flowing, I don’t think that I can yet. This is the most I’ve ever opened up about it. At least it’s a start.
Now, my mom is undergoing surgery for breast cancer. I’m sure it has stirred parts of me that I try to bury.
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